Just trying to keep it real

Perspective 101

2010-10-23T17:01:00.000-07:00

It's been almost six months since I've been back and I think I'm just starting to get adjusted. And when I say adjusted, I mean that I dread work a little less these days. I still dread waking up in the morning but the days seem to fly by at work and I know that the kids and John are happy and well taken care of at home. I say this all the time but I'll say it again - It is a blessing to have a husband who respects me and who is more than willing to share the burden and responsibility of all aspects of raising our children and taking care of the household, all while attending school and working on the weekends. Someone in our MCG group shared about having perspective in life and I think that's just what I needed to hear.

Life is all about perspective.

I love my family. We are all healthy. I have a good job and I work with my friends. I love God and I know He loves me. So when I look at it this way, life is really not that bad.

Not bad at all.

***

On a side note, the one benefit of commuting is that I get some time to myself to chill and listen to music on the train. My new discovery - AHMIR. Check them out on YouTube. Thanks Jennifer Hong :)

Monday

2010-09-20T06:55:00.000-07:00

It's been a crazy couple of months. In the blink of an eye, we've gone from lazy summer days to GO GO GO. Two of the three kids are in school and John starts school tomorrow. I work Mon-Fri, come home, make dinner, bathe the kids, read to them, brush teeth, sometimes play a little more and then it's off to bed. John drives them here and there and everywhere, helps with homework, picks up toys, edits photos, makes multiple meals that sometimes get eaten, sometimes not. We are barely held together by the slowly unraveling threads of sanity by the time we get into bed, usually around 8:30 - me with a book, John with his laptop. It is only then that we can breathe, review the day together and just…..chill. The evenings after the kids bedtime has become our recovery time, right before I toss my book on the nightstand, adjust my eyemask over my face, shove my earplugs in my ears and pass out. Then I wake up and the day repeats itself once again.

So here I am.

It takes too much effort to think of a title.

2010-07-13T06:55:00.000-07:00

Wow.

It's been so long since I've logged on here that I just don't really know what to do with myself. Let's see, where did I end off? Oh yes, the last time I posted here, I was happily employed by three tiny minions, slaving over a hot stove and wiping a**es every five minutes. While I did enjoy that job ever so much, I have to say that the pay kind of sucked. But now, I'm up at some godforsaken hour typing away at my work computer. Yes, work. As in, paid employment some 30+ miles away from the comfort of my own home. The last few months have been a tumultuous, interesting and strangely educational period in our lives and we're still trying to figure out what the hell we're doing. But in the meantime, this is where I'll be for the next year or so - in front of this computer doing what I did so well for 7 years before I quit in 2008 - pretending to work while sleeping at my desk with my eyes open. So while some things change, some things just stay the same.

For you (re-posted from almost one year ago)

2010-04-20T10:20:00.000-07:00

The well worn cliche' - life is short. So cliche and yet, so appropriate. None of us know what path our lives will take, what our present will be, what our future will hold. One day we might wake up and the world we have known for the past 20, 30 years will have been shattered in the blink of an eye.

I realize that I have always been a rather emotionally distant person. Not including my family, of course, but to those on the outside world - pseudo friends, aquaintenances, co-workers. Rarely do I let my wall down to truly share who I really am. But in the last few years, I have forged lasting and strong relationships with certain individuals and families and these relationships are important. They are carved into my life in a way that affects the way I think, the things I do and the reasons behind which I do them. I have never been one of those "Friends are my family" people, because frankly, I have a family of my own. But I have now come to realize that these friends have become a different kind of family - equally important in a non-biological, non-obligatory way. They are part of my life. Part of the lives of my children. An integral component of my identity as a Christian.

It is still somewhat difficult for me to invest in relationships outside of my comfort zone. As I get older, I have less time to spend with my own family and whatever time I do have I want to fully embrace. But making these friends and forging these bonds have made me realize how important a role we play in each others lives. Friendship, like any other relationship, is about give and take. Sacrifice and generosity. Sharing joy and sharing pain.

You realize how profoundly important someone is to you when their joy becomes your own joy, their pain becomes your own pain. Their lives become a part of your own life.

Parenting 102

2010-04-16T11:52:00.000-07:00

I started this post a couple of months ago but then never got around to finishing it. Until today.

I know I've been neglecting this blog but I'll try to keep more up to date going forward. And in case you're wondering, I'm still not at Day 30 of the shred. And yes, it's been way over 30 days since I started. And yes, it's called "The 30 Day Shred". And yes, sadly I am still flabby.

Anyways, carry on. Hopefully I'll be back with more. I am not making any promises, but I'll try. And next time I might even have pictures!

***

I'm just not good at being a stay at home mom.

No phrase irks me more than this one.

It's an easy way to say that you just might not want to be a stay at home. and nothing is wrong with that. I just wish people would say what they mean without masking it in a cloud of faux self-deprecation.

Say what you mean - if what you really mean is that you don't like staying home and would rather work, just say it. Say what you mean instead of hiding behind words you think will stave off judgement. Because you know what?

You will be judged, no matter what.

Judging. It's what people do. Is it right? No. But is it a natural human reaction? Yes. We tend to judge people when their choices differ from ours, when it may be something we would never do or even consider. But God created us all differently for a reason. Life is not a simple puzzle of squares and circles. We are given twists, turns, bends, and improbable obstacles and we have to find a way to make it work. As parents, we figure out what works for us and we stick with it. But others feel that their way is the way and proceed to let it be known to the world.

In the media, no one gets more beat up and judged than mothers. Mothers who work put their careers ahead of their family. Mothers who stay home are stunting equality and slowing the movement of womens rights. Moms who breastfeed are harpy hippies. Moms who formula feed are detached and uninformed. Instead of building one another up, we are tearing each other down, many times as reassurance to our own choices.

Personally, I am confident in the choices I make for my children and my family. Much of this comes from the experience of raising three small children - with each child comes more wisdom and more "ah ha!" moments. But I have made my share of mistakes. I have heard my share of criticisms. But from these, I learn. I change. I grow. I make my choices and I do the best that I can - whether it be as a working mom or a stay at home mom. I do the best I can do.

And the best that I can do should be more than good enough.

School. Days.....? Oh, forget it.

2010-03-11T13:37:00.000-08:00

Nothing really exciting going on around here on the home front. The kids have been generally very pleasant and cute to be around these days so I guess that means no interesting blog stories. Jeez, happy kids are boring. Pffft.

Evelyn is at school today and the babies are napping so the house is eerily quiet. I hear random banging and humming from Oliver upstairs so I know he's ok. He's just chugging along with his trains.

Chugging.

Trains.

Get it? I'm hilare!

......so.... anyways,

I called the school recently to ask about next year's kindergarten program and turns out Evelyn will be going all day next year. That means, everyday. all day.

Five. Days. A. Week.

Now, if you asked me how I felt about this six months ago, I would have probably told you how sad I feel or how much I'd miss her, but now that I've had a taste of what ~~a quiet household~~ school life is like for all of us, I'm really excited. More importantly, she loves going to school and always comes home smiling, regaling me with story after story. I'm sure one day she'll wake up and declare she "hates school" and is "never going to go again", but I'll enjoy her innocence and excitement for as long as I can.

***

So, we're all finally almost all better around here. Thankfully, the kids are 100% - I'm the only one holding onto the disgusting congestion and cough. Plus, I've been having sinus pain the last couple of days, which has made me even more pleasant. Har.

I've managed to work out a total of five times in the last two weeks, three of which are from this week. I'm trying to make a habit of it so I don't make excuses for myself to skip and get lazy. I haven't lost any weight, which.. FINE, universe. YOU WIN, but I definitely have more energy and am a little less moody. Hey, I said a little.

***

Ooh, babies are awake. Time for lunch and then I have to load them in the car to get Evelyn. Fun times.
OMG. I make myself sound so exciting. Somebody stop me.

Day 13. 14 and UGH

2010-03-03T12:04:00.000-08:00

I have been living in the House of Cough and Snot for the last week or so. Turns out Evelyn had an ear infection on top of her horrible coughing and high fever. Wesley, Elliott and Oliver all had fevers and buckets of snot dripping from their noses.The kids are finally on the mend but I am still holding strong to mild congestion and a hacking cough. So basically I feel like hot, roasted ass. Lovely.

***

I hadn't worked out since last Wednesday since, you know, my lungs were in danger of being expelled from my chest with every hack. Sunday was definitely my worst day so far and thankfully Lisa took the kids out to the park and for a walk so I could veg at home in relative silence. On Monday, I felt relatively well enough to attempt the Shred video and got through Level 2 without fainting. Tuesday, I decided to push myself with Level 3 and let's just say, today - Wednesday - I am paying for it. My legs are s.o.r.e. I am taking a break today because I still feel stuffy and congested. Can I just not be sick anymore? Please? Thanks.

Day 11 and 12: I'm a machine!

2010-02-22T14:44:00.000-08:00

Day 11: Level 3. OMG

Day 12: Level 2. Still difficult but like a walk in a field of roses compared to level 3.

I'm sore but in a good way. Very unlike the first few days of the shred when I was sore to the point of immobility.

Man, I'm boring. What else can I talk about besides exercise? SNORE

Day 10: Level 3

2010-02-20T22:39:00.001-08:00

Level 3.

OW

Just...

OW

Either way, it's still work. And Day 9.

2010-02-19T22:44:00.000-08:00

At small group yesterday, some of the girls were talking about the struggles of being a working mother. Now, I quit my job almost two years ago to stay home with the kids, so I've definitely had to think much less about the never ending strife of a working mom. However, the four plus years of being a working, commuting mom definitely took its toll on me. So when Macalla asked how the working mom does it, I answered with the only thing that made sense to me:

"You do neither job particularly well"

I remember struggling to focus at work, zoning out during meetings, passing up opportunities of promotions and more challenging work. I'd rush through the day in order to catch the first train that left the city. Once at home, I'd obsess about cleaning up the trail left by the kids, husband and mother-in-law. I would attempt to spend quality time with the children, while also craving solace and peace in my room, away from the bustle and mayhem of my chatty MIL. At work, I felt unmotivated and sluggigh. At home, I felt leeched and worn. At neither place was I at my best. At neither job did I excel. At neither job did I even really try. I had just barely the energy to be good enough. Good enough was not really acceptable at my job and my children definitely deserved more from their mother than just mediocre, just good enough.

So when I got pregnant with Wesley, I decided that I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't make myself wake up daily at 4:15, to begrudgingly ride the train to Seattle. To sit in an office instead of playing outside with my kids. To have my elderly MIL care for three children. I couldn't go through life half assed anymore. I wanted to be able to be a good mother to my children, a better wife to my husband.

To clarify, I never felt like bad mother because I worked. I worked out of necessity and even at times I felt a sense of pride in my job. I didn't necessarily choose to work but I know many women who do. I hold no judgement for mothers who work and who have successful, lucrative careers and are the main breadwinners of their family. In fact, I am in awe of women who are able to reach that level of career success with happy, healthy families, and yes, I do in fact know many women who have been able to balance their lives in this way.

But for me, I craved the time at home with my children. I went back to work when Evelyn was 12 weeks old. Oliver was 11 weeks old when my maternity leave ended. I didn't want to have to leave another tiny baby at home while I went off to a job I didn't really even particularly love. I wanted to be the one to wake up and make breakfast for my kids, to drive them to preschool and to put them down for naps. When I was working, I felt like I had no control over what my kids did during the day. No matter how much I nagged my MIL or husband, they just couldn't do things the way I preferred. I just wanted to be home with them full time. So in April 2008, I quit my job and became a Stay at Home Mom.

And so here I am.

The life of a SAHM in itself has been a challenge and let no woman tell you that it is easy to stay home all day long with your beautiful, demanding children. That being said, the role of a SAHM is none the easier just because I'm not leaving the house everyday to work. I just get to work in sweats. The pay kind of sucks though. But I get paid in memories right? Wah Wah. Ha. But I'll save the woes of the SAHM for another post.

***

Day 9: I'm getting into the groove with Level 2. The hardest obstacle for me is trying to get Oliver out of my way as I attempt some pushups. He was kind enough to support me during the workout and tried some of the moves himself. Very cute.

Next is Level 3. I'm scurred...

BTW, I just made some brownie spoon pudding and ate about 1/4 of it. OH YEAH.

Day 8

2010-02-19T09:45:00.000-08:00

I snuck in a Level 2 workout on Tuesday and I definitely felt the burn. I haven't worked out again since but I've got some excuses - sick kids, tired mom, etc... I'll resume my workout schedule very shortly.

***

And I also promise I will write about something less mundane than working out. Ugh. Who am I becoming.

Day 7: A weekend!

2010-02-14T15:33:00.000-08:00

I know I had said earlier that I'd like to avoid working out on the weekends but today I found myself home early after church with not much to do. As I write, Lisa and Pat are driving back home from a road trip and John is at work. Kids are playing and dogs are napping. In other words, I am enjoying a rare quiet moment.

I decided I'd try to fit in a workout since I had some free time. Thank goodness each workout is only 20 minutes! I decided to do Level 1 again to see if my strength had improved over the week, and indeed it has. I definitely felt stronger and less winded than I did the first week. I don't notice any signifant changes to my body but I do feel stronger, less bloated and ever so slightly less flabby.

I am shocked to say that I no longer loathe exercise like I used to. I still don't love it but I don't hate it, and that is saying quite a bit. I have noticed an increase in energy and a couple of people have said that I've been ~~less evil~~... ~~moody~~... ~~mean~~ in a better mood lately. So really, everyone is winning!

Day 3.. break....then 4, 5 and 6!

2010-02-12T21:38:00.000-08:00

Whoops, I forgot to update my shred status. Let's see here...

OH. So I did Day 3 Level 1 of the video last Friday. By day 3, the soreness from the first two days had worn off just ever so slighty and I wasn't quite as winded by the cardio and I could manage the strength series without dropping my weights. Also, by far the abs series are the most difficult for me. Seriously, the ones where I have to lift both my legs AND my chest? Yeah...ok, right. The abdominal muscles... you know... the ones where my stomach is? They don't exist, those muscles. I had three babies ~~who wrecked my body and left my skin a lifeless, striped sack of flab~~ who have brought me nothing but joy. But nevertheless, three babies, each whom stretched me as far as I could go.

Then we went away for the weekend, which meant no exercise - which, honestly... was totally fine by me. But I did resume the shred on Tuesday, the first full day back at home. Surprisingly, I found that I could actually do a "real" pushup now, without having to rest on my knees. It may seem like a small feat, but I don't think I've been able to do a plank pushup for years. or maybe even ever? Anyways, I finished the week with two more workouts, on Thursday and today, which is Friday. The Level 2 is obviously more challening than Level 1 and I feel like Level 1 definitely prepared me for Level 2. Plus, it was more difficult given the fact that Oliver kept trying to sit on my back during the pushups. Hey man, I'm not that strong. Yet....

So here is what I've done so far:

Week 1: Level 1, three times (Tues/Wed/Fri)
w/ one session on hot hatha yoga on Wednesdayevening

Week 2: Level 2, three times (Tues/Thurs/Fri)
w/ one session of hot power yoga on Tuesday evening

Week 3: (Next week)
I will do 3 times/week on level 3 and hopefully I can get a hot power yoga session in. The combination of the two is great and I love the feeling of rejuvenation when I'm done with the hot yoga.

I have decided do each level thre thrice weekly but somehow fit it in between Mon-Fri so that I can have the weekend off.

And now you've finished reading what is officially the most boring post I've ever written. Yeesh.

***

My current fave Jillian Michaels quote:

"I want you to feel..... like you're going. to. die"
(Level 2)

.

Day 2: Ow. Ow... ow....

2010-02-03T12:37:00.000-08:00

OW

I'm sore. I went to bed feeling sore and woke up feeling sore. But I got through day 2 of the shred. Some of the moves were harder today because of my sore muscles but the cardio portion felt a little bit easier to bear through. I definitely think abs will be the most difficult part for me. Three babies and late night McDonalds runs have done nothing for my muscles...and my thighs... and my butt.

So. Day 2 is done. And I'm sore.

***

I'm trying hot yoga tonight with Macalla.

I'm scared. So.. scared.....

Day 1: Not shredded just yet

2010-02-02T11:51:00.000-08:00

I just finished my very first workout with Jillian Michaels.

After the first set of strength training with little 2 pound weights, my arms were burning. After the first set of jumping jacks, my knees were protesting in pain and I could barely use my so called abdominal "muscles" to do a proper sit up.

Verdict?

I am horribly out of shape. And obviously in need of some exercise.

I can't say much in terms of change just yet, but I can tell you that I do feel better after a nice brisk workout. We'll see how long I can keep this up and how soon I will see some, if any, changes in my body and my mood.

Day one: DONE

Yes, it's really me writing this post

2010-02-01T21:38:00.000-08:00

Those who really know me know this -

I don't exercise.

I don't like to work out. I don't like to exert myself. I just don't like it. It's all... hard and stuff.

However, I have recently had a tiny change of heart. I mean, I think I look relatively thin but I'm nowhere near in healthy shape. One word - Flabby. I might look fine to in clothes but looks are deceiving under drapey sweaters. Also, why do you think I wear black all of the time? I just want to feel healthier and have more energy. I drag my knuckles around the house all day from fatigue and low energy. This in turn causes me to be grumpy - to my kids, to my husband, actually...to anyone in the 100 yard vicinity of me.

So I have decided to do something about it.

No, I haven't joined a gym or anything - because I'm too cheap - but I've am going to take the plunge and try this:

I'd like for someone to hold me now. Thank you.

When I was in line at Walgreens waiting to purchase the DVD, the cashier actually pointed to it and said "OOH, she's mean". Fantastic. Just what I need to get this flabby vessel in shape. I mean, have you seen her berate some of those contesants on The Biggest Loser? Although, I must say from experience that sometimes being mean gets the job done. Ask my family,

Anyways, I'm sharing my workout news with you because I figure I will document my progress and see if I notice any changes to my body/mind/spirit. I am not going to do this for 30 days straight but the idea of the workouts is to work your way to 30 days on increasing levels of intensity. I will probably aim to work out at least 3 times a week.

And sorry, I won't be posting any pictures of my "badly in need of a tan and a good sloughing" body. After all, I ~~am a very vain person who has too much shame~~ respect you all too much. Yeah, something like that.

So... tomorrow is day one. I'll let you know how it goes.

Life lessons, one day at a time.

2010-01-22T10:46:00.000-08:00

As we were leaving the playground, I spotted a mom walking towards the park with her little girl in tow. The girl might have been 3 or 4 years old, wearing a fuschia sweatsuit and rainbow tennis shoes. I felt bad that we were leaving just as she was arriving, for she looked like she wanted to play with all the kids.

The mom sat down on the curb as her daughter continued walking towards us to the slide. As we passed her, I let out a cheerful hello. I turned to Evelyn, expecting her to follow in response but she simply stared at the girl and looked away. I tried coaxing her to say hello, to at least be polite enough to acknowledge her existence but for some reason, she kept avoiding eye contact. Feeling slightly embarassed for myself and sympathetic towards the little girl, I said goodbye and we all kept walking on to our car. As i opened the doors to hoist everyone inside, I asked Evelyn why she hadn't said anything to the little girl and her answer shocked me.

"I didn't like her face", Evelyn told me matter of factly as she stepped inside.

"Why? What didn't you like about it?" I asked.'

"I didn't like it. It was dark" she replied back quietly as she nestled into her booster seat

This is the part where a thousand tiny little knives plunged their way into my heart.

The little girl was of Indian descent, dark face, dark hair. Not unlike people she's seen before but nevertheless, too dark to be acknowledged by my five year old daughter.

Shocked, I immediately admonished her for saying and thinking such a thing. The next few hours were spent having a terse discussion with Evelyn, trying to explain to her why what she said was inappropriate and in fact, wrong. I explained to her how she might not realize it, but that we are different to most people just like that little girl at the park is different to her. I explained to her about not judging people based on their outer appearance but by the kindness of their hearts. I tried my best not to scold her but deep down, I was very hurt and angry and ashamed. How could my child possibly feel this way, let alone know to feel that way about anyone?

If there is anything John and I try to instill in our kids, it's kindness and acceptance. We both know how it felt to grow up being the minority and even in this day and age know what it is like to be the only yellow face in a sea of white. But we don't want her to ever feel ashamed of who she is, who she was born into this world to be. We want her to know she is a Korean-American. She has a culture and values different from many of her school peers. We want her to be proud of who she is, always.

At the end of the night, after I had exhausted all of my efforts to explain to her what had happened, I told her simply:

God made us all different. Some people have black hair, some people have yellow hair, some people are brown, some people are light. Some people are nice and some people are bad. And yet, God loves us all because He made us all. So we have to try to be like God and love everyone, regardless of what they look like or what they might do.

My explanation may sound elementary but she is in kindergarten so it's rather apropos. I guess after trying to always overanalyze and criticize the world in which we live, sometimes the best answers are the most simple.

I think Evelyn understands why I was so upset and I hope she realizes what I was trying to teach her. I did my best to turn the situation into a teaching moment and certainly hope I succeeded but there is still a lingering pang of sadness in my heart. I just couldn't believe that something so mean had come from my daughter's thoughts.

Maybe I'm overreacting to the situation since she is still just very young but I think yesterday's incident was a stark slap in my face. It was a reminder to all of us that it is not the responsibility of the school, teachers, media or caregivers to teach our child important life lessons and morals. It is our job as parents to mold our children, to teach them well......and to lead the way...?

Hmm... that sounds like part of a song doesn't it? Whitney Houston, anyone?

All I have left to say is this - This parenting job, it is really challenging. And really important. And quite possibly the most important job I'll ever have.

So I better not screw it up.

First of 2010.

2010-01-08T15:04:00.000-08:00

First post of the new year! It only took me 8 days to write my first post of 2010. Although, it has been significantly longer between posts. Don't ask me what's wrong with me lately, I don't know either.

After two weeks of winter break, Evelyn is back in school and let me tell you, things are QUIET when she's gone. All of my kids have inherited the "quiet in public, obnoxious in private" gene. So on the days when she doesn't have school? It's blow horn city around here. Especially, especially during Wesley and Elliott's naptime.

Awesome.

Speaking of Elliott, the two babies are becoming quite buddy-buddy. They seem to nap better when they go down together, although Elliott doesn't like to nap for any longer than one hour and 45 minutes, max. Whereas my baby, if the conditions allow, can sleep for up to three hours. This is after sleeping anywhere between 12-14 hours a night. What can I say, all my children also inherited my "sleep so much it's impossible you can be tired but you're still tired anyways" gene.

My genes - future therapy gold.

Speaking of tired.

I am t.i.r.e.d.

All. the. time.

No, I'm not pregnant. Moving along.

I suppose this dreary weather has something to do with things but generally I'm just always so exhausted. I admit, I've been sleeping later than I should and waking up a few times during the night.

Curse you, small bladder! Curses!

Also, my diet has been horrible these last couple of months. These days my main food groups have consisted of coffee and creamer. And yet, here I am. SO. TIRED.

I also can't remember the last time I enjoyed a fruit or vegetable. Sure, I'll grab one of the kids' apple slices here and there but I don't think I've actually eaten an entire apple or any healthy green vegetables. In fact, I really can't tell you what I've been eating. And yet, my arms are still sausagy and I have whole milk cottage cheese on my thighs. Damn metabolism.

Anyways, I don't really believe in setting New Years resolutions because I think it's silly to only have goals during one time of the year. I know I need to start eating better and exercising (UGH) even though it is something I abhor. I've dusted off our trusty treadmill in the garage and one of these days maybe I'll use it.

Hey, I said maybe.

Baby steps.

***

Proof that my son is incapable of taking a decent picture.

Hey, let's take a picture!

Put your hand down!

Dude, open your eyes!

Hello, did you even hear what I said? YOUR EYES. OPEN.

OK, now close your mouth!

Not your eyes. Your mouth.

....Oh nevermind.

Like the Bat Mobile, just way less cooler.

2009-12-30T14:14:00.000-08:00

We just bought a minivan.

And you know what?

I like it. I really like it.

I KNOW!

Six years ago.... oh hell, six minutes ago I would have never, ever imagined myself driving a "mommy mobile" and now, at the tender age of 32, with three kids ages 5 and under, I am the ~~confused~~ proud owner of a lovely Honda Odyssey. I'm not even sure how it happened really. I wasn't even quite sure of my feelings when I opened the garage door and saw the thing parked in place of our trusty pathfinder.

But when I stepped into the van, I knew.

I knew it was the car for us. Because I was standing. STANDING in the vehicle. With room to spare. Seats far enough apart where the kids couldn't touch, bother, poke each other. Automatic sliding doors. Six cup holders in the front!

What... I get thirsty.

Not to mention enough passenger space to fit more people if need be. Space for the stroller plus other random junk in the back. Just more room. More everything!

And now, days later I'm finding myself creating reasons to leave the house. I stare longingly at the car keys, imagining all the kids piling easily into the van, settling themselves in their seats as I swiftly buckle them in. I practically jump at reasons to run to the store now, whereas before I'd wait until we'd have one egg and 2 ounces of milk left before I left the house.

I'm sure this is what people call the "new car honeymoon phase" - a phase I never thought I'd be in. But look at me now.

Just look at me.

I don't even know who I am anymore. But that's ok. Because now I can get 28 miles to the gallon on this sucker.

Again. Who am I? Yeesh. Just don't be surprised if you find me rolling up to church in denim relaxed fit capri pants, slip on keds and one of those korean mom visors.

I'm just saying.

Roomies

2009-12-16T14:49:00.000-08:00

One of the seven dwarves.

2009-12-05T19:43:00.000-08:00

I am grumpy.

Very, very grumpy.

Sometimes I wish I could be one of those people who are positive all the time.

Oh wait....

No I don't. That actually sounds pretty annoying.

I just wish, right now, that I wasn't so grumpy. Especially to my kids. They're just kids, they don't know that screaming and playing around is annoying to me. I guess it really shouldn't be annoying but you know what? It is.

I was very angry at the kids tonight for not cleaning up their rooms. I was angry because ~~Steven~~ someone clogged the toilet and didn't bother to unclog it before he left the house. I was angry because we only have two plungers in this house and three bathrooms. I'll let you guess which bathroom doesn't have a plunger. I was angry because John bought a different brand of soy milk and Wesley cried and cried because he didn't like the taste.

Stupid things to get angry about. Except the toilet part. Who wouldn't get angry! Toilets are gross. Add cloggage and it's even more gross. Nothing makes me more angry than cleaning toilets.

Rational, I know.

While it is obvious that I need some sort of break, please don't tell me I need a break. Because you know what, it's probably not going to happen. Maybe it's because I don't try hard enough to make time for a break. But we all need breaks. It's just that sometimes we don't get exactly what we need when we need it.

So what's a girl to do, right?

Nothing. Except maybe write about it and feel a little better having gotten it off my mind. And then go crawl into bed with my heating pad and watch hours of frightening yet addicting episodes of Criminal Minds.

I'm not looking for a solution, an answer, a magic wave of the wand to make things better.

I'm just grumpy.

That's all.

Wesley and Elliott

2009-12-02T20:01:00.000-08:00

Last weekend, I had the opportunity to watch my nephew Elliott for a couple of days while Lisa and Pat got some packing and cleaning done. Btw, they sold their house.

WHOO! *wild applause*

Guess where they'll be staying for at least the next month?

*crickets*

Yup, you guessed it. The three of them plus the two dogs will be holed up here with the five of us plus my brother. The body heat alone should warm up the house. Maybe I should turn the heat off. Save some money, you know.

Anyways, the three of them stayed with us all weekend. Friday and Saturday I was left home alone with four kids so Lisa and Pat could take care of some "house things".

Now, yes... three of the four are mine so one would think the extra kid wouldn't be so difficult right?

Have you even met Elliott?

Kidding, kidding. He's my nephew and I love his pillowy thighs. It was just quite a challenge taking care of two babies very close in age. My biceps got a workout everytime I had to carry both of them up and down the stairs and I had to alternate feeding each kid between bites. It was like poopy diaper tag team and one would crawl away while the other one foraged in the garbage can. I wouldn't say it was.. difficult. I just had to be more alert than usual especially because Elliott is a daredevil baby. I'd often find him hanging out on the first step of the stairs holding on to the baby gate while shaking it like prison bars.

ANYHOO, overall the weekend was fun. VERY LONG, but fun. I don't get to spend much time with Elliott, or my sister for that matter, so it was nice to have them here for a couple of days. Who knows what it'll be like when they're here for longer than 3 days. I hope the claws don't come out. Although, I'm pretty sure they will. ROWR!

***

Very random pictures of the babies.

Hey baldy! *cackles*

This ear lobe is GIGANTIC. *snickers*

Playing in the kitchen. There's nothing cuter than babies in footed pajamas.

Honestly, this picture of Wesley is so not cute that it is actually kind of...cute.

Sweats are the new black

2009-11-20T12:23:00.000-08:00

Speaking of doing nothing else.....

So yeah, the chasm between blog posts are becoming much wider as time flies by. It's already Thanksgiving and almost time for Christmas madness. How in the world did we get here?!

Anyways, things at Bang household have been pretty standard - lots of poop wiping, general childrearing and house cleaning going on around here.

It's now been about a year and a half since I quit my job to stay home with the kids and in that time frame, I've noticed myself evolving. I've never been the most ambitious person in the world but I've always been generally uniform in my daily tasks. Brisk. Efficient. Before I had kids, I used to shower and dress in normal clothes regardless of my plans for the day. Even if I had planned to stay home and clean the garage, I'd shower, straighten my hair and put on a little makeup. I always felt that being physically put together made me feel more awake, more energetic. Like a human being.

However.

I realize how that the longer you stay home, the more parental responsibilities you hold, the less sleep you attain, things change. And change they have.

A few observations:

1. Daily showers are now ~~rare~~ optional.

2. Long hair is required for ease of ponytails and haphazard buns. *See #1

3. Kids in pjs all day? What's the problem?

4. Me in pj's all day? What's the problem?

5. I have three pairs of sweats on rotation every week. Two of them have bleach stains and rips at the bottom hem.

6. I can officially cross my name off the list for "Hottest Mom in Bonney Lake. *See #5

7. I lie - actually my name wasn't even on the ballot.

As I type this, I'm sitting here in last night's pj's with my unwashed hair in a greasy ponytail. I can feel the beginnings of a volcano zit start to form on my upper lip and I just bit part of my ragged nail off my rough, dry man hands.

I'm still waiting for my casting call, Tyra Banks. ANTM, baby!

***

Btw, my ps camera broke so pictures will be sparse until I can replace it. Boo.

Slowing down.

2009-11-06T13:53:00.000-08:00

I'm always hearing how moms (and dads) struggle with finding the life/work/extracurricular activity balance. These days it seems like kids are overscheduled to the max, starting at the ripe old age of 2 yrs old.

Preschool. Soccer. Dance. Music. Church. Playdates.

Parents are racking up the miles on their minivans and SUVs shuttling kids back and forth. and back. and forth.

For some odd reason, I find people actually ask me how I manage to handle everything - three kids, a husband with insanely long and irregular hours, a large house to clean, buckets of laundry to wash. And you know how I manage to do it?

It's because I don't do anything else.

Now, I have nothing against having my kids involved in extracurricular activities. In fact, if our financial and childcare situations were a bit more flexible, ideally I'd love to have Oliver playing soccer, or Evelyn in swim lessons. Or Wesley in theater classes because dude is dramatic these days! Because I don't. But not only because we really can't, but because I really don't want to.

I think it's great that my friends have their children involved in things outside of school. I believe it allows children to let loose, find what interests them and also gives them hobbies.

However.

My children are young. Ages 5, 3 and 1. The oldest attends pre-k three times a week from 8:30-3. While she's in school, I'm able to spend more quiet, quality time with the boys. When the youngest is sleeping, I get some much needed and rare one on one time with the middle child. When she's not in school, we usually spend all day at home together. I let them play, color, do whatever they want. I want them to enjoy this time of youth and innocence. I want, for a fleeting moment, for life to slow down, capture my babies in the moment. Because I know soon these moments will be few. They'll grow older, become more busy, have less time for family, more time for friends.

I'm in no hurry to get them out there in the world before ~~I'm~~ they're ready.

My first

2009-11-04T13:36:00.000-08:00

I remember like it was yesterday. Awake at 1:30 in the morning, drawing a bath and wondering what the hell I was doing. Calling the nurse and asking how to tell if they were real or false. Watching the dogs tilt heir heads in curiosity as I bobbed up and down in a tub full of warm water. The nurse said if it was false, they'd go away once I got in the tub.

They became worse..

Then I remember poking him awake, whispering that I thought it was maybe "time to go. NOW". I remember him bolting out of bed, jumping in the shower trying to desperately shock his body awake, even though at this point it was now closer to 2 am. He threw on a hat, grabbed my hospital bag and we jumped in the car. I grabbed at the door handle, writhing in pain for the longest 20 minute car ride of my life. At this point they were coming every 1 to 3 minutes.

The next thing I remember is being wheeled into a room, baring my ass so I could get into the gown and snuggling into the bed with the pillow I had brought from home. Every few minutes I felt a searing pain shoot across my stomach, followed by a brief moment of relief. But that moment was always over just a little too soon, and then I had to brace myself for yet another jolt of pain. Hot, searing pain.

Then the nurse came in, asked if I'd like an epidural and I said "Yes. Hell, yes". When the anethesiologist came in, I rolled on my side like an obedient dog waiting for some bacon strips and waited for the extremely long needle to do its magic. 30 minutes later I felt all the pain subside, as well as any other feeling in my body from the waist down. I can't recall ever being so happy as I felt the pain lift away from my body. It was at that moment I decided that I'd have a t-shirt made, maybe even coffee cups, that said "I love the epidural. I love it so much I would marry it". It was that good. Drugs are good! And then, time seemed to suspend in air, like fruit in a jello cup. It was now 6 in the morning and I felt I deserved a nap. The last thing I remember before falling asleep was having him tuck me in and then pass out himself in the chair next to me, exhausted from me gripping his hand like a wad of putty.

I woke up around 8. The nurse informed me that I was ready to go. Hmm, I could have probably refuted her statement but I figured it was probably safer to listen to the medical professional than my tired, irrational bloated mess of a body. The next hour flew by. I remember pushing, resting, pushing, resting. I also remember thinking that the time would have been more enjoyable if the tv had been turned on to the food network. But anyways, after some more pushing, she was here. Finally here. They placed her tiny, bloody body on my chest and I remember thinking "

"Whose baby is this? She's black!"

and also,

"Yay, I'm not pregnant anymore! I can eat sushi!"

Heh. What can I say, I am random.

But upon closer look, I realized "Oh. She's dark because she looks like John. She looks like her daddy."

I watched as they weighed her on the scale, wiped her eyes with ointment and wrapped her up like a delicious, tiny little asian burrito. The nurse handed her to John, who wiped his eyes and stared at her in amazement. Then he placed her in my arms and all I could do was laugh. She was so dark, so hairy and so tiny. She was the baby I'd incubated for 9 months. The baby who left me a present of angry stretch marks and bad skin. And yet, all I could do was stare at this beautiful thing.

Evelyn Hae-bin Bang, we'd decided her name would be.

And now, five years later, here we are.
She is the best daughter in the entire world.

Illness sucks.

2009-10-30T14:38:00.000-07:00

Tending to a sick child is one of most stressful things we'll ever face as parents. Not only do we have to constantly wipe and sanitize every surface of our home every five minutes, we have to worry about spewing bodily fluids, hacking coughs and lots of tears. Having three kids, I have to worry about this triple time because not only am I trying and hoping that John and I will avoid the sickness so we can adequately care for the children, we have to try and ensure that the other children will not get sick. I haven't yet decided which is worse - all of the kids being sick at one time or the tag team method my children usually employ of one after the other after the other.

This time around it started with Evelyn. Tuesday morning she woke up complaining about how she wasn't feeling well but she did not have any other symptoms besides the whining and let's face it, if whining were a symptom, there would always be something wrong with all of the children in the world.

I thought about keeping her home from school but Tuesday was picture retake day and there was NO WAY she'd be missing that.

Priorities.

She was fine throughout the day until a couple hours after I picked her up in the afternoon. By that night she was running a high fever and had body aches and chills. I spent the next two days walking around with a can of lysol, spraying randomly here and there while my kids played in their rooms, oblivious to the germs breeding on every toy they handled. I did my best to sanitize their things while they were occupied with other things - movies, coloring, pooping.Evelyn spent most of the two days huddled in a ball on her bed like a pathetic little lump. Evelyn's fever finally broke last night and today she is as good as new. And as loud as ever.

Unfortunately, Oliver woke up very early this morning with a slight fever. I tucked him back in and he slept for another few hours, emerging around 9:00 with the very rosy, flushed cheeks. No amount of bribing would get him to take any form of fever reducer so I had to resort to mixing children's advil with some cranberry juice. Now, if you know my son, you know the two true ways to his heart - trains and food. Unfortunately, I wasn't about to bribe him with a train (we already did that with the flu shots - go ahead. JUDGE MY PARENTING SKILLS.) so I figured a sweet concoction of juice and advil would do the trick. And it worked! He sucked that liquid down like a soldier in the Saraha desert. Hopefully he'll get better over the weekend.

And then there's little Wesley. Sweet little Wesley. I'm trying to dilligently to make sure he doesn't get sick but my efforts may be in vain, especially since he is in the phase of putting anything into his mouth, including the leaves that blow in when I open the front door. Crunchy! I'm hoping he'll manage to stave off any sickness and stay healthy.

I just hope John and I manage to avoid falling ill. Because the last thing I need is to tend to a large man-baby.

***

Photos of the random variety

Evelyn was sad because I kept taking pics of Wesley so I offered to take a picture of her and Oliver. Aaand this is what they gave me.

Wesley learning to use a fork. His fork must be selective because somehow it wouldn't pick up any of the green vegetables on the table. Heh

Someone insisted on taking a picture together. Can you tell which kid isn't quite pleased?

Happy to have the pink princess chair all to himself. Maybe it's time I get him his own chair. That is not pink. Oh and not ugly.

Ladies, you like what you see?

Blah. Just.... blah.

2009-10-25T22:11:00.000-07:00

Wow.

I guess I've been neglecting this blog for a while now. I don't know, these days I don't really have much to write about. Normally my mind would be teeming with excellent blog material. I mean, I am a stay at home mom to three kids under the age of 5 and one would think the day would be filled with random happenings and such.

But yeah, I've got nothing going on here.

Well, okay. That's not necessarily true. Now that Evelyn has started school, I have become a part time limo driver. Except it's not a limo, it's an dirty old pathfinder and I don't even have one of those nifty caps.

Which reminds me, I rear ended a car on the way to drop off Evelyn. We were fine, I was fine, the other car was fine. My car was the only one with a tiny bit of minor damage. But somehow, Evelyn manages to bring up the event as often as she can remember.

"Mommy, you should slow down. remember when you hit the red car on the way to school? Daddy, you should slow down because Mommy hit the car on the way to school. You should just down. You don't want to run into another car on the way to school, okay?"

Even Oliver chimes in with "Swow down! You going too fassst!"

Seriously, who knew small children could backseat drive?

Also, when Evelyn's at school, the house is eerily silent. and I LIKE IT. Of course, I miss her terribly during the day when she's at school and I sit by the clock wringing my hands until it's time to leave and pick her up. But I am very much enjoying the peacefulness of having just the boys at home. Believe or not, Oliver turns into an angel when Evelyn's gone. He rarely has a complaint and even enjoys sharing his toys with Wesley. I think Evelyn's presence tends to turn up the noise and the activity up a ~~million~~ few notches.

Other than that, I find myself not really motivated to do much else besides the usual household and motherly duties. I have a pile of books on my nightstand, waiting to be cracked open. I now have time to maybe search online for part time work at home job opportunities. Even start seriously looking into pre-reqs for the Highline nursing program. I have all this extra time when Wesley sleeping that I could devote to learning a new hobby - sewing, perhaps? I even have a sewing machine tucked away somewhere in the closet. But these days, nothing seems to really grab my attention. I'm just feeling kind of.... blah.

Blah, blah, blah.

Sometimes, I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.

To be cont.....

Wah wah wah Charlie Brown's teacher

2009-10-14T19:29:00.000-07:00

I am having one of those parenting days.

You know, the ones where your throat is sore. But not because you are sick, if you know what I mean. I was just telling my husband the other day how pleasant the kids have become. When Evelyn is at school, the house is peaceful. Oliver happily plays with his trains, Wesley crawls all over the house like a madman and things are quiet. On Evelyn's off days, the kids all play together in Oliver's room, sharing trains and laughing and reading books.

I should just really keep my mouth shut and count my blessings because today?

Today was different.

Today was one of those days. The days filled with threats, screams, tears. Thank goodness everyone is now in bed. And they better stay in bed or else....

Also, Glee is on! I'll be in my happy place at 9:00pm.

It doesn't help that my teeth are $%#*& killing me! I just had my wisdom tooth extracted last Monday but I've still been feeling residual pain. I did some reading on my oral surgeon's website and it sounds like I may have dry socket or whatever godforsaken thing can happen after an extraction. Fan-bloody-tastic, I tell ya.

Jeez, my first blog post in a long, long time and this is what you get.
Didya miss me or what...

Keep your expecations low, people.

2009-09-26T19:56:00.000-07:00

Ummmm..... so yeah. It's been a while, hasn't it? What can I say, I've been lazy. Plus, John was on vacation last week so it's almost like I had a real life for once.

Well, for at least 12 days.

We didn't do anything particularly special on his vacation other than take Evelyn to the zoo for her birthday. John posted most of the pics on facebook so there's nothing new for me to post here. Other than that, we just hung out together at home, ran random errands sans kids (whoo!) and spent some time with my parents.

I know, we're so exciting. Calm down now.

***

So... after Evelyn's kindergarten experience is improving. I mean, after the first day how could it get any worse? EH. We're now driving her to and from school and it's been ok so far. I've been able to leave the kids at home in the morning with either Steve or John and I've only had to take the kids to pick up twice. So far Oliver's behaved in the stroller, thanks to bribes of korean yogurt juice and crackers. Hey, whatever works right?

***

I just read what I've written so far and WOW, I'm lame! What's wrong with me, jeez. I am bo-rinnnng.

WAH WAH WAH - Charlie Brown's teacher.

***

BTW, I totally owe Evelyn a birthday post.

*sighs*

***

To be continued...

Maybe....

Someday....

If you're lucky.....

But don't count on it.....

I need DVR and a regular babysitter

2009-09-12T20:25:00.000-07:00

Ok, enough about kindergarten... for now. Traumatized, pissed, blah blah blah.

Let us talk about more pressing issues.

FALL TV!

GLEE:

My new obsession! If you haven't caught the show yet, you need to run to your computer and watch it online. Just go! Hurry! The music is great, the one liners make me grab my stomach in laughter and it's just different than what is out there. Seriously, I can't stop listening to the music online. LOVE IT.

VAMPIRE DIARIES:

*Groans* I know, I know. It's totally like Twlight. But not. And it's for silly teenagers. But not. And Paul Wesley is quite cute. Like Robert Pattinson. It's one of those shows where it's so bad that it's sooo good. :)

NCIS and NCIS Los Angeles:

NCIS is my go-to favorite show right now. I'm all caught up from reruns on The USA Network (God bless the USA) and can't wait for the new season to begin. I'm also excited about the spinoff, which stars L.L. Cool J and Chris O'Donnell. Mmmmm.

Sidebar - Do you notice that all the shows on the WB and the CW want us (the 30 somethings) to basically relive the years of our youth; or more accurately, wish we could relive the days of our youth as rich, beautiful young white people with perfect skin and glimmering white teeth? Does anyone else feel inadequate as a regular human being watching these mannequins? Or is it just me?

Shows I have been neglecting but promise to try and watch regularly this season:

House
Chuck
Grey's Anatomy
Law and Order: SVU
Friday Night Lights
Lost

Dude, I really need to get DVR, don't I?

So, what else should I be watching?

***

We went to a wedding today and were gone for over five hours. I can't remember having enjoyed a wedding this much in a long time. Oh, and did I mention that we left all three kids at home? It felt like a mini vacation today! My awesome cousin John came down on his day off and entertained the kids and dogs all day long. He fed them snacks and meals nonstop and even dealt with Oliver's inability to wear pants around the house. Luckily, Oliver was kind enough to humor him with a pair of Thomas the Train underwear. Eh.

But yes, today was a very enjoyable day. Now all the kids are sleeping, John is at the Puyallup Fair for work (to take pictures) and it's just me, the computer and the dogs. Actually, the dogs are passed out on the floor next to me. It's been a good day.

Hmm, although it would probably be a little better if I had a burger and fries. At least John is bringing me home a bag of Fair scones. Mmm, butter.

Fears and unanswered questions

2009-09-08T20:04:00.000-07:00

I'm trying not to let this consume me but I keep thinking about what happened at Evelyn's school. A million thoughts keep going through my mind as I replay back the events of today. I wonder who would have noticed if she was missing. I mean, if John and I hadn't followed the bus to school, who would have known she'd even made it there on the bus? As parents, how are we to even know if our kids make it to the school via the bus on the first place. Sure, buses are touted as safe rides for children of all ages. We were assured at the school open house that special care and attention would be given to all the kindergarteners.

Well, if this is their idea of special care and attention....

How does something like this even happen?? I mean, obviously no one even noticed my little four year old girl wandering the halls upstairs alone until an announcement was made. If we weren't there to draw attention to this issue, would the announcement have been made at all? Who would have known to look for a little girl in a purple jacket, a little girl named Evelyn Bang?

No one would have noticed. No one would have even known.

So how am I supposed to comfortably send her back there, day after day? How do other parents do this? How do I let go so my children can grow up and become strong, independent adults? How do I let go when everything within me wants to lock them up in the house and homeschool them - er, if I were that kind of parent, of course. Heh.

This parenting thing... how do people do it.

I really don't know.

Only the first day and I'm traumatized

2009-09-08T10:04:00.000-07:00

Update: After discussing things with John, we both feel it is ~~best for my sanity~~ in everyone's best interest if we drive Evelyn to school and pick her up. I ended up picking her up today in front of her classroom and felt relief when I saw her heading out of the class ~~wandering to the left~~ straight for me. Maybe we'll try the bus another day. Or never. Whatever.

***

The day started off innocently enough. I rolled out of bed a little before 7 and jumped in the shower. My stomach felt jittery with anticipation and dread. Today was the day my baby was going to kindergarten.

I had a hard time getting Evelyn to wake up at 7:20 and had to sternly lecture her a few times as she struggled to pull her pants on and whined about not wanting me to wash her face and curl her hair. She managed a few bites of waffles and eggs before it was time to head over to the bus stop. My original plan was to walk with her while John met us with the car. However due to being behind schedule (Evelyn is the slowest eater, btw), we all ended up driving over together.

We spent a few nervous minutes taking pictures and chatting with Evelyn while in line for the bus. When it finally came time to get on the bus, she shyly stepped forward, turned around and gave us a wave. On my tip toes, I could see her tiny self settle into the second seat behind the driver. She stood up so she could see us and we all waved like mad people until the bus left us. The minute she stepped on the bus with her giant backpack attached, I started to cry. I was so overwhelmed to see her getting on this huge bus without us.

I'm going to miss her all day long.

(The sweet part of the story ends here)

Once the bus sped off, John and I jumped in the car and tailgated the bus through another 5 or 6 monotonous pick ups before it headed over to the school. During the drive, John and I chatted about our little girl, hoping she was doing ok on the bus. Hoping she wasn't getting sick. Hoping she wasn't crying.

When the bus finally pulled up to the school, John ran to meet her as she was getting off the bus while I went to the classroom to wait for their arrival.

But the arrival never happened.

Apparently when John reached the bus, he saw the older student already exiting and heading into the building. We were under the impression that the youngest students would be dismissed off the bus first and then escorted to their appropriate classes but he thought maybe today they were going to get off last. So he waited... and waited... and waited...

And she never got off. So he went into the bus to look for her.

The bus was empty.

And she wasn't there.

At this point, John was livid. LIVID, I TELL YOU. And if you know John, then you know what this means right?

We spent the next ten minutes running around the school like maniacs, trying to figure out where she could be. The worst thoughts ran through my head - Was she lost, had someone taken her, did she get off at a bus stop when we weren't looking? WHERE WAS SHE OMG.

The principal tried reassuring us that she was fine - if she had gotten on the bus, she was here somewhere.

~~Then I punched him in the throat.~~ We stared silently as he tried to assure us we'd find her.

Finally, the secretary spoke with the bus driver to confirm that no students were left on the bus and then she made an announcement over the loudspeaker.

After what seemed about a gazillion years later, John finally spotted Evelyn walking down the stairs with a teacher. Apparently she had gotten off the bus and not knowing where to go and having no direction, she simply followed the other older kids upstairs to the 4th and 5th grade classrooms.

Seriously, people. What... the....*BLEEP*

When we attended the open house last week, we were assured. ASSURED. that the kindergarten students would be greeted at the bus and taken to the appropriate classroom. So what the hell happened today? I understand the first day of school can be hectic and disorganized but someone needs to figure this all out. Learn to deal with the hectic and disorganized and take care of my child, damn it!

After speaking with the principal, John was still very upset and we were both hesitant to leave her at school. We watched her through the doorway for a few minutes and then reluctantly made our way into the school parking lot.

Initially I had planned to just meet her at the bus stop after school but I think I am going to head over to the school before 3 and watch her physically get on her bus and then I'm going to be glued to that bus until it reaches our bus stop. Then I'm going to scoop her up, take her home and lock the door behind me.

This day is the most stressful ever. and it's not even lunchtime.

Two more days

2009-09-06T14:51:00.000-07:00

Two more days.

Two more days until my first born goes to school for the first time ever.

I am dreading the thought of being away from Evelyn for six hours, 3 days/week. I can't promise you I won't cry. I'll probably weep a little. Like a dude whose team has lost the superbowl.

She had her kindergarten open house last Thursday. We had been anticipating the open house for weeks, hoping to get more acquainted with the school and the teacher. I was also hoping I'd be able to get some of my more pressing questions answered.

Will she be ok on the bus? How do you handle lunchtime? How many times a month will she have PE?

I was really counting on going to the open house to have any doubts quelled and to make myself feel better about the decision to have her start this early. We stayed at the school for over an hour and met Evelyn's teacher, explored the classroom and took a short bus ride. When it was finally time to leave, Evelyn was in a fair mood. She seemed a bit nervous about her classroom but was very excited about the bus ride.

And I?

Did not feel better about anything.

At all.

I left the school feeling more apprehensive than I had been leading up to that night. I think visiting her classroom and meeting her teacher were concrete indications that my baby is indeed growing up quickly. Too quickly. Her teacher seemed nice enough, if a little indifferent towards Evelyn but I'm sure it was the atmosphere of having many overbearing parents and hyper children running rampant around her legs while trying to discuss school logistics. Or maybe she was just indifferent. Who knows. I guess we will see as the school year progresses.

Evelyn seems ready to be in a classroom setting. To be learning new things and making new friends. She seems so ready to grow up and discover an entirely new world.

But I'm not ready. Not ready at all.

But I only have two more days to prepare myself.

Two more days...

Wesley - one week later

2009-09-01T12:37:00.000-07:00

So it's been a week since Wesley's turned one and GUESS WHAT, GUYS? He's already becoming a menace. I left him for a few seconds to go in the office and came back to this:

"What? I got bored. Besides, I'm a little bitter about my hair. I mean, LOOK IT THIS BOWL. and what is with this pink bib? Huh?!"

He also has this FABULOUS new habit of banging his fists on the table if I don't shovel his food in his hole fast enough. He even has the nerve to throw the spoon back at me when I hand it to him. I scolded him a little and he gave me the puppy dog look and tears started to well in his eyes. I'm so mean but he looks so cute when he does that. Heh.

In other more pleasing news, Wesley has started to take a few steps. Here he is being coaxed to walk over the remote control. Again, he's wearing the pink bib with his banded fat boy sweats. Niiiiiiice.

Six days past due

2009-08-29T21:22:00.000-07:00

Wesley,

You're ONE!

How ever did that happen? It seems like just yesterday I was holding your tiny, hairy little body in my arms as Evelyn and Oliver surrounded me with curious stares and heavy breaths. You were born with a head of hair that rivaled that of Uncle Jesse from Full House and still to this day elicits stares of envy from ~~Elliott~~ more follically challenged counterparts. I am still a little upset that your father gave you a haircut when you were 7 months old. A haircut that had not passed my seal of approval, I might add. And then there was that incident when I tried to trim, just trim! your bangs. And then when Jen's mom tried to fix them and you kept moving and we had to give up and then we came home and you looked like a tiny black pumpkin....

But anyways.

You're one. I can stop counting your age in months. I can start giving you regular soy milk. I can soon turn your carseat facing forward. You will soon start walking. You will soon start talking. You will soon start feeding yourself. You will soon start running around with your sister and brother. You will soon need me a little less.

You soon won't be a baby anymore. and I will miss that.

But you'll always be my baby, my last baby.

I admit, I will be sad to let go of this part of your life but I know I have so much more to look forward to.

I hope I've done well as your mom in your first precious year of life. You didn't get quite the attention your sister, the firstborn, got when she was your age but I find myself being able to just enjoy all of you more now that I'm a seasoned mom of three.

By the way, I hope you are not mad that I let you bonk your face more than once on the hardwood floor. I just couldn't get to you fast enough because I was chasing your pant-less brother around the house trying to get him to put his Thomas underwear back on.

I love being a mom to all three of you - Evelyn, Oliver and you, little Wesley. Sometimes when I'm feeling down and life seems to be full of nothing but obstacles and darkness, I thank God that He has blessed me with all of you. Even though staying home can reduce me to tears some days, other days are filled with gut busting laughter. Sometimes the days are filled with both! But I'm thankful for all of it.

I know I owe you a better post than this but lately I've been preoccupied with so many things. Soon your sister will start school and it'll just be me and you boys at home. I'm simultaneously looking forward to and dreading it all. I can't believe your sister won't be home with us all day but at the same time it'll give me a chance to spend more quality time with both you and Oliver.

I will tell you something, this parenting gig is tough. No one ever told me just how difficult it all would be. But at the same time, I never realized just how wonderful it was going to be. How enriched my life would feel. How... content I would become.

Because of all of you.

My goal in your life as well as your siblings lives is to make sure you grow up to be faithful and happy and healthy and to know you are all so loved. If that is all I can do for all of you, then it will have been enough.

Little Wesley, you're now ~~12 months~~ one year and 6 days.
Happy birthday, kid.
I love you.

Love,
Mommy

One way ticket to Denial River

2009-08-17T21:15:00.000-07:00

After years of denial and dogged determination to avoid the inevitable, we've finally come to terms with it.

We need a minivan.

Part of my soul just died writing that out.

I swore I'd never get a minivan unless we had four children. and no, I'm not pregnant. I told myself we were fine with our good old Pathfinder. Currently we ~~shove~~ have three carseats straight across, with Wesley backwards facing in the middle. We can fit two strollers plus a large load of groceries in the back. I figured we'd be fine driving the Pathfinder until it finally sputtered to its brave, trusty end.

But alas, we were wrong.

We just need more room. More ease in getting our kids buckled in quickly and efficiently. But more importantly, we just need a car with better gas mileage than what the Pathfinder gives us. I mean, I might as well be pouring gasoline out the window as I drive down the freeway.

And don't worry, it's not like I'm worried about tainting my image of a "cool mom". It's not like I've ever had that "cool" mom vibe to begin with so it's not like a minivan can do any further damage, right?

Talk about eating my words. For all the talk about never, ever being one of those moms who drive a minivan, look at me! Just give me a fork, knife and some alka seltzer because I'm about to eat some bitter, acid inducing words.

I don't even know who I am anymore...

Oliver

2009-08-12T09:01:00.001-07:00

Oliver,

It's been a long year, hasn't it? You've gone from baby to boy in about five seconds flat. I have so much I want to say, so much I could write about.

I could write how you've changed, evolved, grown.

I could write about how you've become obsessed, completely obsessed with all things trains.

I could write about how your appetite is astonishing! and how you rival that of a professional competitive eater.

I could write about how you drive me crazy sometimes with your random tantrums and agressive hitting and pushing.

I could write about how you like to wake up at ungodly times during the morning and greet us with your shrieks.

I could write about how you are such a good big brother to Wesley and how you love to give him hugs all day long.

I could write about how you think you shouldn't nap even though you totally should.

I could write about how you are potty training very well but have issues wearing pants. Or even underwear, for that matter.

I could write about all these things that would let people know what kind of kid you are. What kind of personality is blossoming in your curious ~~huge headed~~ little body of yours

But all I simply want to write about, want people to know, is that

I love you.

I love all of you.

The tantrums and the shrieks. The tears and the pain. The laughs and the hugs. The sweet and the crazy.

You are all of these and more. and I love you.

Happy 3rd birthday, baby boy.

Love,
Mommy

Randoms. Quotes. Pics

2009-08-10T13:59:00.001-07:00

Well.

It's been quite the Oliver show around here on this blog lately, hasn't it? I do have two other children, I swear I do! And they give me just as much joy and grief as the next so I figure it only fair to share the blog time, don't you?

Hmmm, not much has been going on these days. A couple weeks ago it was so hot I could barely stand to do anything. Even preparing meals for the kids had me sweating like Richard Simmons. Thankfully it's cooled down considerably so I'm back to my usual half grumpy self (instead of full on grump, if you didn't know).

The next few weeks are going to be quite busy for me, as I have two birthdays plus preparation for Evelyn's first day of school. *SOBS* Let's not talk about that right now, ok?

***

Funny quotes from the kids:

(Driving in car on way home from playdate)
Evelyn: "Mommy, Oh my goodness, Wesley just totally passed out. "

Oliver: "This is my golden eagle" (points to his boy stuff. Yeah, I don't know either.)

Evelyn: "Mommy, for Oliver's birthday let's take him to Chunkin cheeses."

And lastly...

Evelyn: "Mommy, Oliver and my crotch look different. I have a bajyna!"

EH.....

***

Pictures! Crappy ones but hey, just take what you can get mmkay?

Waiting for me to rescue him from the crib. He looks all shifty eyed, doesn't he? And also, pointy chin!

Um... I think Evelyn took this picture? Pretty good job, if you ask me. Baby's not too shabby either.

Now this is what he looks like when we first enter his crib to rescue him. Looks like his smile is going to rip his face in half.

Poor Peanut, subjected to Evelyn's diva-like ways.

Evelyn: "No Peanut. You stay there!"

Peanut: "eh..............."

Oliver's been doing pretty well with the potty training and napping, thank goodness! He went through a phase of skipping naps which just about did me in. DID. ME. IN. I say.

During that time, I'd find him in sprawled on the ground, passed out from delirium.

Look, I don't teach him to sing with his mouth full of food but this was too funny. He likes to make up words, just like daddy!

Protecting my cubs

2009-08-04T21:38:00.000-07:00

This is where I feel it is needed to defend my crazy little son. I'm sure if you were to go back and read my older posts about Oliver, you'd think he was some out of control brat. And while he sometimes may be a little out of control, he is most certainly not a brat and he is not a horrible kid. He's a little crazy, a little unpredictable but incredibly sweet and funny. He loves to giggle and learn new things everyday. He's also not even 3 yet.

So when I hear people who don't really even know him. or um, me for that matter, say things like

"That Oliver. Man.........He's something else" *Shakes head in disbelief and disgust*

The mama bear in me wants to growl back, "That Oliver WHAT?!?!?" and then claw their eyes out. Uh, kidding, kidding.

Kind of.

Ok, not really.

No kid is perfect. Not yours and not mine and not that other kid at the table next to you. Oliver is definitely more sensitive to things than his big sister. If he misses a nap he's extremely grumpy. His appetite knows no bounds and he has a hard time computing the word "no more"into his demanding little brain and stomach. He has an infectious laugh and the cutest squinty eyes when he's happy. He loves to be free (like a dog off a leash, I like to say) and run around outside with his sister and friends. He likes when I sing him a song and hold him tight before bedtime. He drags his trusty green blanket all over the house, taking the time to stop and take a deep whiff of the fabric before continuing on his way.

Is he a little harder to reason with? Sure. But remember, he's not even 3 yet. Does he drive me crazy when he wanders off while we're at the store? Of course. Does he have some aggression issues against little Andrew and Chloe that he may need to work out? Um, YES. Do I have moments at home when I wish I could lock him in the closet? ~~Yes~~ No Maybe. Does he need a haircut? Depends you who ask.

For all of his crazy antics when we're out and about, no one who doesn't know us should really be judging us by what they see. Being a parent is a tough job but I think being a mother is even more difficult. People are so quick to judge the mom for anything the child may or may not be doing correctly but if the father does something, anything at ALL then it is somehow praise worthy. It is almost as if the baggage of judging and being judged comes with being a mom.

It's like the minute you push the baby out of your body, the world says "Congratulations! Let the judging begin!" Instead of lifting each other up, we've resorted to tearing apart the parenting choices of others. When Oliver's having a day when he's particularly out of sorts, I feel this silent judgement being cast upon me. People wondering why I can't control my son, why my son isn't as behaved as the other kids, etc...I feel this especially from people who don't have kids. People who don't yet know.

I admit it, when I was childless I often used the phrase

"When I have a kid, he/she isn't going to (Insert offense*)".

*cry on the plane
*freak out at a restaurant
*flail on the ground in protest
*sleep in my bed
*fall asleep in my arms
*Seriously, this list could go on...

And then I actually had a kid(s) and God was like "HA HA HA, remember when you said this?" and then SHAZZAM! Lightning struck or whatever and the said offense actually happened. to ME.

I think people spend way too much time tearing each other down when we should be giving more of an effort to build one another up. As fellow Christians, parents, friends, we owe it to each other to lend a hand of support, a word of comfort or just a nod of understanding. Now is that too much to ask?

So before you all go judging me or my kids or the person next to you who is not wearing shoes in a public restroom, take a step back and maybe give them a chance. and an old pair of flip flops?

Self absorbed at the core

2009-08-01T17:34:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder who exactly reads this blog. When I was using Wordpress, I could easily track the number of people who visited the site. I know there is a way to track it on Blogger but I'm finding I kind of don't care anymore.

Wait!
Let me rephrase.

I do care. I care about the people who do read this blog. When someone at church comes up to me and tells me she enjoyed my story about Oliver's tantrumfest, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It also makes me realize people do read between the lines and know that, while I might feel like my brain is going to explode into tiny, tiny pieces on a daily basis, they know I love my kids and have a sense of humor to deal with whatever comes my way. So yes, I do appreciate the people that take the time to read this, as mundane as I may seem at times. I mean, how much can one person write about poop, vomit and crying you wonder? Well, let me just tell you, A LOT. I can write about it A LOT.

Let's be honest - Blogs are pretty self serving vessels. I mean, I do think many positive things come from blogging. I read one blog regularly who has found a group of faithful (literally and metaphorically) followers who pray for her ailing son. I've read some very insightful stories on parenting, marriage, kids.

But like I said, blogs are at their core, self serving. Honestly, I am a fairly shy person (no... really...) but oddly enough I feel comfortable sharing some of my life with you right out here in the open. I often write about my parenting mishaps. Oh I'm sure some people judge me. Hey, I judge me too! But really, I am not afraid of people judging me. If I were, then I'd probably wouldn't blog. Or uh, open my mouth. I've learned long ago to stop caring how people perceive me. Only those that truly know me understand what I'm like. But I find something comforting in writing out my thoughts in a journal. This journal just happens to be public. I mean, it's not one of those "Dear Diary" kinds of journals. Let's face it, I'm not 16 and in dire need of braces, a pushup bra and a boyfriend.

Well ok, at least I don't need a boyfriend.

But I do find myself bonding with those in similar situations as mine. It's tough being a stay at home mom on one income with little outside help. It's also tough having three kids under the age of 4 in the dead of the hottest summer we've ever had in Seattle. Seriously, the weather was ridiculous. But anyways, it is nice to find common ground and community with other parents who understand.

Anyways, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am thankful I have people who care about me enough to listen to what I have to say.

Whoever you all are.

Reality

2009-07-26T14:32:00.000-07:00

This sweet guy needs prayers so very badly.
http://www.mycharmingkids.net/

Sometimes we need a good dose of reality to set us back in place. I often need reminders that life is precious and sometimes a missed nap (or two. or three. or... whatever) is not the end of the world.

Ohhhh it may feel like it at the moment - trust me - but in the bigger picture it's just a tiny speck in the parenting journey. God has called me to lead a much more powerful and impactful life than the one I have been living. I don't want to waste this opportunity fretting over the things that don't matter in the end.

So yeah, I needed this. More than you know.

I'm tired. The end.

2009-07-23T21:02:00.001-07:00

Ah, here's to another chapter written in the Oliver Saga.
Today was a doozy, people.

DOOZY

I'll keep it short by just saying that we had to leave a birthday party at Point Defiance Zoo before it even began. Yes, it was that fantastic. Imagine lots of tears, whining, flailing and hissing.

Oh and Oliver was pretty worked up too. Heh.

He hasn't napped in, Oh I don't know, what feels like about one million years, so the 2:00pm start for the party already had me quaking in my flip flops. Prime meltdown time! I was hoping (in vain, might I add) that he would somehow cooperate and be calm and cool.

HA HA HA HA HA! I'm so funny! Phew!
*Wipes tears from eyes*

Anyways, he was just basically uncontrollable today. Let's face it, the odds were not in my favor. I was grossly outnumbered 3 to 1 since John had to work today. You'd think I'd be used to the gross outnumbering right? Imagine me chasing Oliver while wearing the baby in a sling and waiting for Evelyn to catch up since she was running after me like I was going to abandon her.

Please. Abandon the good one?

Usually when he acts up I just try and deal with it the best I can, but today I decided I needed to be much more militant in my discipline. If he couldn't control himself, I'd follow through with my previously empty threats to "calm down or we're going home." I needed him to understand that his behavior was simply unacceptable. And let's face it, ANNOYING.

So anyways, I (literally) tossed him in the stroller and wheeled us the hell out of that place. I was able to contain my anger until we got to the car and then did what any self respecting parent would do.

I rolled up the window and yelled at him like a crazy woman.

He was crying so much he gagged and vomited all over himself. At this point I was so irritated I decided to just keep driving and let him soak in his vomit until we got home.

I know!

Mom of the Year 2009!

He eventually fell asleep from the sheer exhaustion of being evil. When I pulled into the driveway, he woke up with a look on his face that was like,

"Wuh? What happened? Why am I covered in vomit and where is my piece of birthday cake, lady?"

He acted like nothing had ever happened.

NOTHING.

*Sighs*

Sometimes I wish I drank.

Potty training. So it begins.

2009-07-20T13:31:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning and decided that today would be the day.

I'm going to start potty training Oliver.

Yeah, I don't know what I'm thinking either.

We're talking about a kid who poops mountains, pees like an endless fountain and was born without a mechanism for moderation. He is an "all in" sort of kid. He's extreme in most things he does - his obsessions, his food, his moods.

So again. What am I thinking, you ask?

Well. For one thing, he'll be 3 years old in less than a month (SOB) and for another, I'm pretty tired of spending $100 at Costco on diapers and wipes.

So hopefully by the end of this week he'll be (mostly) potty trained.
Like I said, I'm going totally gung ho on this thing.

Side note - it seems as though the potty training is somehow interfering with his naps. Because I've been letting him walk around without any bottoms on (currently he is wearing socks and a tank top. heh heh) I think he does not like the idea of wearing a diaper during naps. So it looks like I may have to forgo naps for a while if I want to get him used to the idea of going to the bathroom on the toilet.

Dilemma: Giving up naps to save money on diapers but in turn, sacrificing sanity.

Really, I can't win this one can I....

Today's stats:

He's had one tiny accident but has already figured out he needs to sit on the toilet when he feels the urge to pee. He's already gone to the bathroom at least 6 times. We're doling out many gummy bears today.

He has yet to poop. I'm a little scared.
Hold me?

***

Dude, this kid is huge.

Naps. Ring Slings. Grocery carts.

2009-07-15T14:15:00.000-07:00

Oliver is trying to give up his naps.

He's not even three yet!

Is it too much to ask that he gives me at least one more good year of napping? Please? C'MON! Throw me a bone.

I just heard him come out of his room. *ANGER!*

Update: He wandered around upstairs for a while before retreating back to his room and flopping on the bed. VICTORY IS MINE.

***

I've always touted the greatness that is the Ergo baby carrier but my new obsession is now the ring sling! The ergo is great to carry front OR back but it does require alittle extra effort with all the clipping and hoisting. The great thing about the ring sling (look. I'm a poet!) is that it is easily portable. I can just roll it up and stuff it in my bag. Plus, I can carry Wesley a variety of different ways, from having him face me to sitting on my hip to forward facing like a kangaroo. I wish I had tried to use the sling when Wesley was a little lighter but he's still under 20 lbs so it's not so bad. My shoulder does seem to get sore after an hour or so but it is still quite handy to wear, especially when I'm chasing after the other two kids.

See! Look how cute!

***

I've been feeling a little off kilter lately and can't seem to figure out exactly why. I am just feeling extremely lethargic and unmotivated and it's beginning to wear a bit on the kids. I mean, I'm a total homebody but it's not fair for me to project that onto my kids, right? So that's why I've been trying to make more of an effort to take them out of the house during the day. John works such irregular hours that many days I'm home alone for very long stretches. This makes for some challenging dilemmas, such as grocery shopping. I've been wanting to try grocery home delivery but john always scoffs at the idea. I guess he'd rather have rice and egg again instead of letting me just buy normal groceries! Either that or Fred Meyer and Top Foods need to make larger grocery carts so I can shove all my children in there while fitting groceries in as well.

OR, I could just put the two in the cart and carry Wesley in the ring sling!I am such a genius.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

***

Speaking of, do you like his hat? Here he is eating "Wunch.... or di di di di dinnuh!" (see previous video)

So happy when I finally rescue him from his crib.

Playing on Yoon yi's deck. Must have been really bright out that day. heh.

A morning in the life

2009-07-10T21:27:00.000-07:00

Update: Oliver got up at a reasonably early time today.
I got up and fed him yogurt. He was in a good mood and I'm working on it with a cup of coffee. Not a morning person but I'm trying.

Are you happy, Lisa?

***

5:05am: Hear strange noises coming from the kids' room. Angrily* pop out of bed, rip off eye mask and stomp into hallway only to see the tiny head of a one Oliver Bang scurrying back into his room and under the covers like he never left there in the first place.

Go in the room and whisper-scold him and tell him to stay. in. your. bed. until it's time to get up (which is basically whenever I roll out of bed)

*Would like to add that anger is disproportionate to violation. What can I say, I am not a morning person.

5:11am - Hear squeak of door as Oliver tries to slowly sneak out of room again and back into hallway

5:12am - Stomp back into hallway, throw Korean death stare in direction of boy (I say in the general direction of the kid because I don't have my glasses on so who knows what I'm actually looking at) and he obediently runs back in and tucks himself in.

5:15am - Hear rustling in his room but decide to give him another chance to fall asleep. Check on the camera monitor. He appears to be getting sleepy again.

5:20am - Check the camera one more time before replacing eye mask and attempting to sleep for a couple more hours.

5:25am - Begin to drift off.

5:49am - Sleepy but not yet in slumber. Decide to check monitor one more time.

5:50am - WHAT THE!
Oliver's bed is empty. Door is open.
Once again rip off eye mask, bound out of room and burst into hallway.

Hear smacking of lips. Hmm, sounds like Oliver might be throwing up? It is coming from down below. I look over the railing and see Oliver crouched in front of the living room couch.

I ask him to come upstairs.

He ignores.

I ask again.

He ignores. again.

In anger, I storm downstairs and find him.. get this.... eating macaroni and cheese out of a container.

With his hands.

5:55am - I'm fuming! Snatch container out of his hands and throw in garbage, despite his protests. In kitchen, find a stepstool placed in front of the refridgerator. Explains the macaroni and cheese. Btw, we have childproof locks on our utensil drawers. This explains the hands.

6:03am - Supress urge to spank and instead not so nicely nudge him up the stairs while whisper -yelling at the kid. He retreats to his room in tears, declaring that he's "so hungry!", and you want to know something? I don't even care.

You hear me? DON'T. EVEN. CARE.

My heart is made of stone. STONE.

6:09am - Jump back into bed muttering all sorts of angry nonsense until John hisses at me to shut my pie hole, it's 6:00 in the morning woman!

6:20am - Allow myself to calm down. Breathe deeply. Say a prayer for patience and serenity and drift off.....

8:00am: I wake up to find that John is already downstairs making breakfast for the kids.

God must have heard my prayer for serenity.

Now if we could just work on the patience part.

***

He is very lucky he's cute.

Bonding

2009-07-10T14:26:00.000-07:00

Sharing a moment over Starbucks

Two more pointless videos... but who's counting!

2009-07-08T12:58:00.000-07:00

Oliver is so weird sometimes. He insisted on wearing his Mickey hat during lunch.

Before I started filming, he was banging both drumsticks together. So cute.

Pictures and a video

2009-07-08T12:11:00.000-07:00

I've been in a writing funk for a while so please forgive. I'm padding this post with lots of pictures which I'm sure will make Lisa very happy.

Also, four out of five of us Bangs have been sick - The lucky one who escaped illness is currently out celebrating on the golf course ;) - so it's been a rather dreary few days for us. Thankfully most of us are on the mend.

Anyways, enjoy the pics (All taken from my point and shoot Nikon)

Peanut taking a nap with Purple Monkey. She tolerates the kids pretty well considering they scream her name constantly. She can't help that she's popular, you know....

Doesn't Elliott look extra happy here? It's so difficult to get him to smile. I often say I have to act extra stupid to get him to crack. He's a tough nut, this one.

I tried to get a shot of all the kids but Oliver got bored and left. Obviously Wesley was trying to follow his big brother. I like how Evelyn is trying to look all casual in this pic.

Elliott's smiling so hard his face is gonna rip!

Do you like Wesley's shiner? It's actually just a scratch that I covered with neosporin. Shiny!

Deep thoughts....

I love Peanut.

Cousins! Don't they look like they're jumping?

Elliott's throwin gang signs, yo!

I found Evelyn asleep in my bed with my face mask. She must have found it under my pillow. HA HA HA.

BONUS VIDEO:

I remember watching a video of when we were younger. Lisa and I were playing in our little pool out in the back and suddenly my mom started spraying us with the hose. Of course we screamed because the water was freezing cold but the funniest thing I can remember about the video is how distinctly you can hear my sister yell to my mom, "I HATE YOU!"

Man, we started at a young age. HEH.

Anyways, I tried the same thing on my kids but they thought it was pretty funny. I really thought they would cry (I'm so mean!) but they actually enjoyed being sprayed with the hose. Yes, it was THAT hot last week.

Time out, drama queen style

2009-07-02T14:24:00.000-07:00

Lisa said the last post was kind of sad (?!) so I thought I'd post this video.

Go ahead, call CPS. Tell 'em I said HI.

*At one point, she screams so loud the camera practically overloads because of the decibel level.

Awesome.

**Don't forget to pause the blog music for full video effect.

Don't worry, I'm just saying...

2009-07-01T22:34:00.000-07:00

I want another baby.

*SIGHS*

Don't worry, it's just the hormones talking. I don't really want another baby. Um yeah... not really. I'm just getting all nostalgic and choked up over the thought that my baby is going to turn ONE in a couple of months. How did that even happen?

I swear just yesterday he looked like this.

BONUS! You get a profile shot of the shnoz.

I know, you're welcome.

All of the sudden, he's this 10 month old kid who stands in his crib demanding that I come pick him up. NOW. He wants to devour pretty much everything he sees, including the spoon AND the banana peel. His cheeks are starting to lose their fullness, his thighs starting to firm up, his voice deeper and more authoratitve.

He's almost not a baby anymore.

In two months he'll be technically considered a toddler.

My last baby will no longer be a baby any longer.

Do you think it is possible to have empty womb syndrome? I think it might be. I have always wanted three children, no more and no less. But lately I find myself wistfully sifting through Wesley little baby clothes, hesitating as I attempt to pack them away. I still have bins and bins of Evelyn's old baby clothes, unwilling and unable to fully let go of the small stained onesies, the crisp outfits worn maybe once, some with tags still attached. In the back of my mind whispers a tiny voice,

"what if...."

But then a very loud voice, namely the one in front of my face belonging to my husband, booms

"WHAT. Are you crazy?!"

You think he'd indulge me just a little before shooting me down but nope. He is quite happy with our family of five and is not ready or prepared to deal with another baby, more costs, more noise. And I suppose I'm not really ready either. But I look at pictures of when the kids were all newborn babies and I'm suddenly overcome with a wave of nostalgia. Even at our yard sale last week, I couldn't bear to sell my maternity clothes. The maternity clothes that I've had packed up for months. Clothes I've worn for three pregnancies. Clothes I won't ever be wearing again.

Realistically, we can't have another child. We don't have the room or the money. I don't really even have the proper family support living close to me. But I do admit, my desire for another child is there. I suppose I'll just indulge my need for baby time with this kid while I can.

I mean... look how cute!

Can't say I blame him

2009-06-26T12:36:00.000-07:00

This is what I get for waking up late and letting this kid roam around the house unsupervised.

I suppose I asked for it.

*Scroll down to pause the blog music before watching

A few things to note:

- Apparently I sound like a man when I wake up in the morning? Eh

- I think Oliver had his hand in his mouth because he was trying to suck the chocolate remnants off. UGH

- I was trying very hard not to laugh. I mean... c'mon. How could I scold him? He was just so happy to eat it! It was a chocolate covered donut. with sprinkles!

Small talk

2009-06-22T12:26:00.000-07:00

[Scene: Sitting at the kitchen table eating lunch]

Evelyn: "Oliver, what did you do last night?"

Oliver: "Uh... sleep....?"

Evelyn: "Oh yeah?"

Oliver: "Yeah"

[End Scene]

Maybe this will become a habit.

2009-06-20T08:38:00.000-07:00

I finally woke up early* today and had some quality alone time with a large cup of freshly brewed coffee and the internets.

We'll see how long I can keep this up.

I would also like to add that Oliver slept until 8:30 which is late for him and very nice for me. Oh, and I thought I'd mention that I'm nursing (w/ no hands! Big thighs have got to be good for something, right?) Wesley I as type this.

*for those of you who know me, early means anytime before 8:00am)

I'm going to sleep after this. I PROMISE

2009-06-19T22:08:00.001-07:00

Do you ever have one of those moments when you feel like writing but don't have much to write about? Well, I do. I'm having one of those moments right now actually. Which is why so far I have yet to written anything interesting. or important. or relevant.

So yeah, I just feel like banging away on the keyboard. Today's been a relatively slow today. The last couple of weeks have been more lazy than normal, if that's even possible. I've been sleeping later (bad. BAD!) which in my case means past 12:00 and when this happens, I'm pretty much shot the next day. When I finally peel myself out of bed around 9:00, Oliver's already been up for who knows how long, roaming the house with his blanket dragging behind him. By this time, he's starving and ready for breakfast. Usually the first thing he says when he sees me is

"Can I eat?"

*hangs head in shame*

How bad of a mother can I be? Making my son wait for breakfast so I can get some sleep! Jeez. I really need to sleep earlier. Anyways, he can't really reach anything ready to eat in the pantry although I know he's tried. I've woken up many mornings to find the pantry open, chair pushed up to the front and random things strewn about the kitchen - rice, cans of tuna and spam and a large bottle of syrup. Once he realizes he can't eat any of it, he usually just makes some sort of fort by stacking up the cans. I guess he's got to figure out how to pass the time until the rest of us wake up, right?

Man, just typing that out makes me feel kind of guilty. But not guilty enough to get out of bed at 6 or 7 or whatever time it is he decides to get up for the day. Thank goodness the rest of my kids like to sleep as much as I do. I know this will all change once Evelyn starts school in the fall so I'm just going to enjoy the opportunity to be a little ~~lazy~~ less structured. That is, until I have to drive her to school with the younger two in tow. That should be fun! Uh huh...

And no, I'm not going to send her on the bus. Not this year. ~~I'm~~ She's not ready...

***

I'll leave you with a picture of my two sweet boys.

The same very boys that will very likely eat me out of house and home.

All about Wesley

2009-06-15T13:51:00.001-07:00

Concentrate...You can DO IT.

Almost there!

YES!!!

OK. We GET IT. You can pull yourself to a standing position.
That's fantastic!

Now GO. TO. SLEEP.

***

Wesley, whatever you do, don't turn around. There's a crazy frog right behind you.

Wuh.... what are you looking at? Is there something on my face?

And it was a new roll, too!

2009-06-08T14:28:00.000-07:00

Me: OLIVER! What are you doing?!

Oliver: Uh.. NOTHING?

Rambling...with a side of fries.

2009-06-07T20:11:00.000-07:00

Blogging. Facebook. Email.

I often find myself wondering how much is too much, really. I mean sure, on Facebook you can choose whether or not you actually want to accept that Friend request, or share your blog to the public, or reply to that email from a friend of a friend... of a friend but so easily the line between what is sacred and what is public becomes... not blurred... but almost smudged to the point of being erased.

I admit, when I first signed up for Facebook I vowed to never use it for anything more than keeping up with friends with whom I didn't get to see often. Now I check it on a daily basis, adding my two cents worth of comments here and there. My "personal" blog" is linked to my profile for any of my "Friends" to view and I like to consider myself a professional emailer - just try it, I will reply to your email with lightening speed!

Side note - do you like my use of quotations? I should post a picture of myself "quoting" with my hands, jeez. We should play that drinking game where you take a shot everytime I use quotations. Um, not that I drink (really, I don't) or have ever played that game.... I was just saying...oh nevermind.

It's ironic that I actively use many of the social networking tools created to keep in touch with "my people" (DRINK!) when in reality I am a pretty private person. Yeah, yeah. Feel free to laugh and think I'm joking. But I am! Ask my sister! Oh wait. Don't ask her...Then she'll tell you what I'm really like.

***

Huh... Totally lost my train of thought. I just wrote that last part and then went downstairs to bring Oliver upstairs and put him to bed, went back downstairs to take the fries out of the oven (FRIES!), came back UP to bring Oliver a book, went back DOWN to dish the fries up to bring them back UP to the office and then had to go BACK DOWN because I left the refridgerator ajar and it was beeping to let me know to shut it already! Then I came back UP and jammed the fries in my mouth. NICE.

Anyhoo! I guess what I'm trying to say is that you think you might know a person based on how he/she portrays him/herself on a public forum but it's simply not true. Wouldn't that be judging the book... not by the cover but by the preface? What I share on Facebook and my blog is merely a tiny portion of what lies within. Rarely do I share or open myself up wholly for those around me and it's something with which I struggle. Keep in mind that most, if not all, people share what they want you to know about themselves.

As I get older, I find it more challenging to forge deep and lasting relationships with new people I meet. Only since I've had my children have I opened myself up to others and can say I've made very faithful friends through the process. But it's not to say that it was always so easy. Building true relationships require give and take, ebb and flow. Just like anything else worthwhile, it takes true effort.

I choose to share tidbits of my life on FB and on this blog and I am truly thankful that there are those few (HI LISA! HI MACALLA! HI TERRI!) that read this regularly. Just know that there's more to me than just a FB page and a blog. That being said, I will continue to try my best to provide photos of children screaming, dancing and laughing. Just know, that's only a tiny portion of my life. In reality, there's a lot MORE screaming, dancing and laughing going on. Well, that combined with some yelling and crying. It's a veritable party up in here.

***

Concentrating on riding her new (handme down) bike.

Big guy now has his sister's old ride. He looks upset in this picture, doesn't he? Well that's because he was! He couldn't figure out how to get off the tricycle. I mean.. c'mon. Really? I don't... why.... how could you NOT figure out how to get off it?

I know. I KNOW. Kid needs a haircut. But look how cute!

Completely gratuitous video of the baybeeeee

Sand, Heat and Wedgies. Good times.

2009-06-04T20:23:00.000-07:00

So far I think I like blogger. I've been able to add some recent pictures to the sidebar as well as a few other fun things. The pics are from our trip to Oregon a couple weeks ago. The five of us drove down to Cannon Beach and then spent the night in Portland. The next morning we met the Russell's for a trip to the zoo and then stuffed our faces at Honey Pig in Tacoma. It was only a short two day road trip but I don't think either John or I can remember the last time we had so much fun. For those two days, it was like we didn't have one worry in the world, which if you know John, is very rare.

I was surprised how much the kids loved the beach. Even I was relaxed and chill, even though sand was flying everywhere and we had dressed the kids in jeans instead of shorts. Hey, I thought it was going to be cold! Anyways, Evelyn dumped a few shovels of sand on Oliver's head and, while normally I would freak out at the thought of dirt nestling itself in every crevice of my children's bodies, I just let the kids have fun no matter how messy they got. By the time we got back to the car, the sand had dried off and it was pretty easy to dust them off. Although, later in the hotel Evelyn did wonder why she had sand in her underwear. :)

Other than that, things have been pretty uneventful around here. We're enjoying the heatwave as much as we can. Thankfully our house is about 10 degrees cooler than it is outdoors so we've just been holing up inside. John bought the kids a large pool, despite my explicit instructions to not bring home a gigantic one. So of course he bought the largest one sold. In his (meager) defense, it was the only size pool left. But I would have rather than no pool than a gigantic turquoise blowup monstrosity. Nonetheless, the kids enjoyed splashing around in the water. That is, until Evelyn discovered that yucky bugs can fly in the water and ruin all the fun! Seriously, that girl is afraid of bugs like I am afraid of heights. Unfortunately she has inherited my ability to be afraid of basically everything in this world.

Fabulous.

Also taking after her mother - WEDGIE!

Why the hay not...

2009-05-30T13:32:00.000-07:00

So. I know I just recently started a Wordpress blog. And then changed my layout twice. And now I'm moving all together to a completely different domain? I have to admit, part of the temptation to move to blogger is the vast amount of applications and widgets a user can add to his/her site. While I know that Wordpress has these applications, I don't think I have enough... ok fine, any HTML knowledge to tweak it to my liking. Blogger seems more user friendly, no?

In any case, I will be starting anew from this blog. But here's a link to my Wordpress blog, just in case you feel like reading the old entries and laughing at me.

Memorial Day

2009-05-25T07:33:00.000-07:00

TEST

Dude. I'm all about change, apparently

Old blog: www.diapersandcoffee.wordpress.com
New blog: www.diapersandcoffee.blogspot.com

Bye Wordpress. It's been... interesting.
Hello, Blogspot.